Why Women Stay With Cheaters

Admin October 16, 2010 0

I ran across an interesting article the other day via LifeScript.com, talking about why women stay with cheaters. Check out a sample of the article here and be sure the read the FULL article as well!

Photo: Flickr/thepeachmartini

Stand by your cheating man or kick him to the curb? It’s not a decision any woman wants to make, but that many have after their philandering mates were caught. This Lifescript exclusive digs deep to discover why so many wives choose to stick it out. Plus, will your guy cheat? Rate the risk…

They all do it: celebrities, politicians, even the hubby next door. Sure, the names of the cheaters change: Think Tiger Woods, Jesse James, John Edwards, Kobe Bryant, Mark Sanford. But the story’s the same: Husband cheats, gets caught. Wife grimaces, then bears it.

In fact, up to 75% of couples rocked by an affair stay together, according to research by Peggy Vaughan, author of Preventing Affairs: You Can Have a Monogamous Marriage, But Not by Just Assuming You’re Immune (Dialog Press). That so many wronged spouses managed to turn the other cheek is admirable to some. But you can’t help wondering: Why didn’t they push their wandering mates out the door?

Lifescript talked to women and experts to find out why beleaguered wives choose to stand by their men. Here’s what they told us:

1. She doesn’t want to be alone.
When your husband takes up with a prettier, shapelier – perhaps even younger – woman, it doesn’t inspire confidence that you still got it goin’ on. Insecurity can be enough of a glue to stick with a marriage.

“Fear of being alone keeps people in all kinds of horrible situations and relationships,” says life coach Lauren Mackler, author of Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness and Transform Your Life (Hay House) and host of “Lauren’s Life Keys” on Hay House Radio.

Women are more afraid of going solo than men are, she says.

“That comes from believing that they need a man to take care of them. Even though we’ve come a long way, many messages still tell us that.”

2. Her finances take a hit.
“Women’s greatest fear is they’ll become bag ladies,” says Gilda Carle, Ph.D., creator of DrGilda.com and author of He’s Not All That (Collins). “In their minds, they’d be leaving him for a life of poverty just because he’s been cavorting elsewhere.”

It’s not a completely unfounded fear: A woman is likely to draw the short financial straw in a divorce. An ex-wife’s standard of living drops more than 25%, studies show. They’re also more likely to lose other essentials, such as health insurance and their homes.

3. He’s not perfect.
An affair “may not be a deal breaker,” explains Michele Sugg, a certified sex therapist in Branford, Conn.

“We tend to think that once a slippery bit has slid into someone else’s slippery bit, it’s the end of a relationship.”

True, that’s how newlyweds think, says Brown University psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women and The Secrets of Happy Families (both Wiley). But, “as people live, age and grow together, they recognize that they have to give up the dreams of the perfect spouse,” he says. They know their mate eventually will disappoint them.

Read the FULL Article from LifeScript.com

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